Faith over Fear | No Fear, Just Hope

But God~ Looking Back With Gratitude & Forward In Faith.

February 10, 2020

The only thing that is worthy and justifies incorrect grammar, is when God intervenes.

BUT God,’ (Ephesians 2:4) in the bible comes in moments where there seems to be no hope, then God suddenly intervenes to reveal His supernatural powers and His sovereignty. Its like He is storming in shouting ‘ No , no no, don’t close that chapter yet, I am not done with that season yet, I still have a say in it’/ don’t shut me out’.

God’s goodness goes beyond all our expectations and imagination. It is bigger than all of us

As human beings, we have a reputation for ‘selective forgetfulness. We tend to allow our hearts to forget the good things especially during hard times. Deuteronomy6:12 take care that you do not forget the Lord, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery“. So many times, the Israelites had to look back and be forced to remember how they had been rescued.

Since we got engaged and later married, going 12 years this year, I have had a book where each month I have been writing prayer points, come back and write answered prayers both for friends, family and myself. There are so many answered prayers the last 10 years but also unanswered prayers both for friends/family or myself.

However, in this season, I choose to count my blessings. In those seasons when I am between what God has done and waiting for the things he is about to do, I always take that book and go through it. Every single time, I am always ‘surprised ‘ at some of the answered prayers which could have been easily forgotten.

Whenever, I went back to read what God had answered, I would highlight what spike to me most especially if we were going through the same season of waiting.

It is very easy for us to fall back on the place where answers haven’t been given, where there’s uncertainty, that place where God didn’t come through for us the way we expected him to because that’s where our mind loves to thrive on, ~ places of doubt, regret and the ‘what ifs’. Instead of falling back to the familiar seasons and moments where we were at our darkest moments BUT GOD, came through for us. Let us remember that each day we rise He has new mercies at our disposal

Lamentations 3:22-24″ The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;2 his mercies never come to an end; 23 they are new mevery morning; great is your faithfulness. 24 The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him”

God’s best friend David invites us to intentionally schedule time to look back into the details of our lives and think on the goodness of our father.

“My mouth will speak in praise of the LORD. Let every creature praise his holy name for ever and ever.Psalm 145:21. On the other hand, we might be thinking ‘ what’s there to praise God for when all that surrounds you is heart ache after heart ache.

No matter how deep the valley you are in, please know that God will never forsake us. His word confirms this 1john 1:16. I think I love this translation better:

“For out of His fullness [the superabundance of His grace and truth] we have all received grace upon grace [spiritual blessing upon spiritual blessing, favor upon favor, and gift heaped upon gift]”.Amp.

Like David, we need to slowly look back this past year and really deeply check mercies that had the almighty Gods doing to take place. There’s no doubt that we will find not one but several glimpses of His blessings and actual riches of his blessings.

As much as it is hard to reflect on His goodness, we need to walk in the confidence that “He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?” Romans 8:32

The same God that gave His only son for your life will give you everything He has promised and He is with you always. No works will make us deserve His kindness, but out of his mercy and grace, He continuously purposes to choose us over and over again.

2 Peter 1:3 “By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence”

Looking Back With Gratitude – Image by Nelly

Therefore, even in the midst of the storm the psalmist urges us to reflect and give praise to God, acknowledging that He is the one able to do exceedingly and abundantly above all that we can ever imagine.

When there’s a positive motivation or reward, praise automatically comes easy. We are happy and feel generous so it only comes natural for us to say good things in response to what we might have received or actions that might have been done to us.

However, there are seasons where our hearts don’t seem to do this automatically. This is because, the praise is not coming from a motivated generous heart but one that is at the crossroads of waiting on God or in seasons of pain and hurt. Where we don’t see His goodness and our environments constantly magnifies the negativity around us and the unanswered prayers.

When we bring ourselves to praise God in these moments, we honour God as we choose to offer sacrifices of praise to Him. Not because of what He has done but who he is in our lives. Its praising in the pain. Reminds me of the song ” I will praise you in the storm….’

Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise–the fruit of lips that openly profess his name. – Hebrews 13:15.

I want to encourage us to always remember moments where ‘But God’ is mentioned, because those are the moments where what all seemed impossible, is made possible by His grace.

I want to also challenge us, to look back especially in the seasons of waiting. The seasons where the enemy seems to be winning , take moments to acknowledge God and all the has done in your life. God will not look down on this form of praise, He will gladly and proudly inhabit in it.

Ephesians 2: 1…for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins…..Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. 4 But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy,

5 made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.

6 And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus,

7 in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus.

8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—

9 not by works, so that no one can boast.

10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Prayer

Father God, thank you that while we are in the waiting season, you show us glimpses of the blessings to come. We praise you for who you are in our lives and for your continued faithfulness this past year. Teach us to look more deeply into your goodness and to always count our blessings. In Jesus name.

Amen.

Lots of love,

Mama Faith, Hope and Love.

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Emotions Faith over Fear

My Life Will Never Be The Same Again!

January 5, 2020

One of the last posts I did was, how thankful I was in the way God has been patient with me. Here is an excerpt from that post.

“{…..God is indeed patient with us. We have moments when we might have ‘ slagged’ in pursuing our purpose because of life’s struggles but He is always waiting with arms wide open. So , when you feel it’s time to step right back up, know that you are never alone. Your purpose is still where you left it at. You can pray ” show me my purpose Lord” no wrong in that but I feel we should praying ” Lord, where can I start from or continue from? I feel like you are leading me to this, should I go ahead?”.

We need to ‘wake up’ from our slumber as humanity is thirsty for our gifts and our presence. We should also not be comparing our lives with others, some of us have been called to hospitality to smile at people and hug them, others have been called to the screnes with microphones, to speak up in boldness without shame, and more so others behind the screen or any public scene.

Have you realized that sometimes, you have only scratched the surface of your full potential and purpose? It’s true that in some seasons we leak out and bless and there are seasons where we hide under Jesus’s feet to soak up of the kingdom.

We can’t pour out from an empty heart. On the other hand, we can’t keep ‘hiding’ and soaking up, we need a channeling out ~ a system that operates in balance of flowing in and out. That’s why we are here. We ought to be both a Mary and a Martha in kingdom work.

Wisdom is realising when you have been in one of the season’s for too long and doing the necessary. Have you been soaking up too long and feel like God is nudging you to get back out there?, or have you been leaking out and pouring out for so long and feel like you are no longer speaking from the vine but more so adding your own words? ……..}”

So, coming today’s post. I have not gone for a run or any active walk purposely for exercise for about 17months till yesterday as running was now an emotional situation for me. Before this 17 months, I had been running for 4 years almost every day at least 5 days a week , for at least 5km during weekdays and a 10km> on Sunday mornings. Before the 4 years of running, my quiet time was always during the day because I was alone, not working fulltime and could delegate quality time for it away from the chaos.

I switched to early morning quiet time before or during my early run because of my new fulltime job and because of the sitting at the office. I wanted to avoid the weak feeling at work, I wanted to always be pumped up, both in the Spirit and physically. When people said ‘hi’, I wanted to be the one that says “good morning!! and I actually was that person. #adrenaline.

Life Will Never Be The Same – Image by Nelly

Most of you know why I haven’t run for 17months. In July 2018, 2 days before my 20th gestation check up, I did my last 10km and 2 days later, I was told I have an Incompetent cervix (IC). Which meant my cervix was low and my baby wanted to come out because it assumed it was time due to the softening of the cervix which should start happening at 36 weeks and not at 20weeks. The doctor said, GRAVITY was my enemy .

I immediately stopped running and for a while blamed myself for what happened to my baby. Why? Because I was running 6 days a week during that pregnancy. Unless otherwise, its advised to continue with usual previous activities during pregnancy but not start them. So because I had been quite fit for 4 years, I continued with the running. After that appointment , I only walked 2 minutes to the bus and some small walks here and there to avoid blood clots. I was thankful that I was not bedridden upside down like most women are, until the remainder of the pregnancy.

After giving birth to my angel , I promised myself that I will not move a muscle when God blessed my womb again. So, apart from light walks, Amirah’s pregnancy was treated with the delicatenes’ of egg’, also because I was high risk of preterm labour. Thankful that she is here and came full term. I remember how I fasted and prayed for Olivia to reach 24 weeks gestation. So you can imagine, when Amirah’ was at 25 weeks, 30 weeks, and then 36 weeks, I was ready for her, in my own way.

The sedentary lifestyle was ok, but it only meant now, I had to squeeze just minutes for popcorn prayers in the daily ‘chaos’ and not my quality alone , uninterrupted time in the early mornings before the ‘world woke up’. Sometimes, it was IJ reminding me “mom, when are we gonna pray?”

I missed it with evvery part of my being. Don’t get me wrong, God doesn’t listen to us when we pray long prayers or judge us by the times we spend with Him. However, in our individual walks with him, each of us knows when it’s time to go for that deep soak in his presence and not the 123 pop up or popcorn prayers.

Deep down, I knew time was coming real soon when I had to get back to those soaking moments. You could get away during the day to spend time with God but when you can hear the daily commotion around you, then you will have distractions. You can still do it during the day but secluded place without responsibilities, where its just you and him.

For me, that’s the early morning 4.30/5am where I sit down read his word, then take it to the streets, listening to Him and praying, sometimes loud at the top of my voice. I love these moments and I missed it si much. But deep down, I knew I would be back by his grace, also because running was emotional for me after all that happened.

Today was the day, I resumed running and early morning street devotion and it was beautiful, I got to soak in my father’s love and presence. I run, stopped, walked, lifted my arms in worship, knelt, cried, even laughed, and it was beautiful.

It’s not just the getting back to physical activity and gaining energy but actually running and not getting emotional about it being or even never being the cause of my loss. It was just having an hour to myself where I am not thinking of anyone or doing something for someone.

My husband says, I have a weakness of not taking time off just to do something for myself like relaxing or chilling, that’s very true. I rather be clearing and organising the house to create a relaxing atmosphere that actually relaxing in it.

However, when I have the morning time to myself and my God, the rest of the day for me is okay. The mornings kind of set the pace for the day and knowing myself, my days are so full and I will only manage popcorn moment prayers. So gaining this is such a big deal for me. It also means, I am moving away from blaming myself for the loss of my daughter. It means, going back to where it all started and taking guilt by its horns.

I pray you are all doing well. My prayer is that you would take whatever fear has brought into your life by the horns, not by your power but by His might. Even if it takes you years or 17 months. God’s time is the best but remember He is already patient with us , so lets not wait too long. Once he has given an okay, move forth in faith. You are never alone.

Happy new year!
Lots of love.
Mama Faith, Hope and Love

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Faith over Fear Hope

Hearing God | Sign’s Already Given | Listen with your heart

December 23, 2019

Side Note: Some will say it’s coincidence but I say, it’s God confirming what He had put in my heart. You see, I don’t just write randomly, I always feel a strong nudge about something, whether it’s my feelings, emotions , then I pray about it and write as I pray.

Anyway, this is what happened, the last 3 days, I have been writing on and off about ‘ hearing God and seeking His confirmation over issues in our lives. I wasn’t sure when to post this and was waiting for that right moment in my heart.

God on the other hand has His own sense of humour. Yesterday at church, one of the verses our pastor read from, for the sermon, is one I had used as well. Matthew 12 &16. Where the Pharisees keep asking for a sign, instead of believing in the one already prophesied and given – Jesus Christ.

Sign’s Already Given:

Last Wednesday I woke up and prayed ” thank you Lord for being patient with me”. This got me thinking about of how being or operating in the Kingdom life is more so like a GPS system, where we are intertwined with the Holly Spirit, keen in our spiritual ears , not missing his cues and signs.

Then I started thinking of ‘purpose’. I am confident of what God’s purpose for my life is, or at least one of them. Once we know why God keeps waking us up each morning, we can’t keep coming to God year in year out asking “God, show me the way, without making any step of faith”. You gotta start moving in that direction and ask for confirmation.

He has already revealed Himself to you, His power has been made perfect in you. We ought to move from “show me the way” to more specific prayers like ” God, how do you want me to go about this, is this plan that I have in line with your will?”.

Have you thought about what would have happened if Abraham wasn’t keen in the Spirit but instead consumed in his, worry about, what people would say? he would have missed the voice of God. Abraham, when he was on kingdom work, he turned off all noises and was focused on the father, that’s why He was able to hear the instruction about the lamb behind him.

Many times when we go through life’s struggles or challenges, our ears are accustomed to hearing and being influenced by the noises around us. Those applauding us, criticizing us, or even encouraging us. All these are vital, but when we find ourselves, with outside volumes higher than the spiritual one, it’s usually a call to turn back to what the voice of truth is nudging us to do.

Once you hear from God, it is then ok to go back to God and ask Him for a confirmation, which He is always faithful to give. He will use a random person to prophecy, or declare a word to you. He will even use nature or kids to confirm His word to you.

Note, it’s only after seeking His will, are we to ask for a confirmation and not going about asking for signs here and there before we have even sat at His feet to consult if this was even the way he wants us to go. This way, it will be no longer a CONFIRMATION’, but you going in it, in your own way.

Back to purpose, being attentive in the Spirit and the GPS system. Once you know your purpose, you start ‘moving/acting in faith’ . It is only while moving that your GPS is able to recalibrate and select the right way. You can’t select the right way while being still.

So, it is with our purpose and all kingdom work God has called us to do. He says in 2Peter 1:3 ” By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence.” Meaning, all have been made available for us way in advance before our calling.

All we need to do, is start moving , taking our position and in moving, when we feel like we need some guidance and affirmation to check whether the road we took was really the one meant to, we can keep asking for direction. We need to ask direction in wisdom too.

When you select a route on the GPS, it usually says, “keep going straight for 30km or so”. I have never heard any GPS, repeating at each KM “yes, go straight, yes, keep going, yes, go on straight. No, it gives the clear instruction at the beginning and then usually a few Kms later, it will say briefly ” continue straight”.

It is the same with our walk with Christ, He has promised to walk with us and said He will never forsake us. So when God endorses your plan and you feel it deep in your bones and spirit that He has confirmed it, you start moving and have the confidence that He is with you and that He has already provided a way .

Now is not the time to start praying ” show me your way Lord”. It’s the time to open both our physical and spiritual eyes and ears to hear and see what He has laid up in the journey and the words He has for us while we go forth.

Many a times, God places people in our paths, either to encourage us , boost our destiny and we sometimes miss it because we dismiss them because our spiritual antenna is off.

God is indeed patient with us. We have moments when we might have ‘ slagged’ in pursuing our purpose because of life’s struggles but He is always waiting with arms wide open. So , when you feel it’s time to step right back up, know that you are never alone. Your purpose is still where you left it at. You can pray ” show me my purpose Lord” no wrong in that but I feel we should praying ” Lord, where can I start from or continue from? I feel like you are leading me to this, should I go ahead?”.

Whether staying at home and pouring your love to those tiny ones or in the corridors of the corporate world, shining Jesus’s love and kingdom principles in an environment that is thirsty for it. I pray we all discover what is that thing, we have been called to do. Why does God keep waking you up each morning? He is giving you a new chance and new mercies and grace to take up that space and he the best version of yourself -His image.

Thank God in His mercies and grace for being patient with us. But in His patience, there is still a gentle nudge and whisper calling out His sons and daughters to take up their positions and be His hands and feet in this world.

Lean in , and take up space with the confidence that you are not doing it alone and in your own might. He has your back. “It’s time child” He whispers. The sign – Jesus Christ) that was prophesied long ago is here now, we don’t need to look for it.

Much love
Mama Faith, Hope and Love,

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Faith over Fear Love New Normal

In Your Father’s Arm | Just as you are

November 1, 2019

Heading to work this morning and grateful for the fact that Oma Kenya is here to take over.

Daycare would have been the default thing but am terrified to think of how they would have managed with baby’s skin sensitivity. Daycare is perfect when your child is healthy and can be taken care of in general like the other children, not when unwell and have to be given extra attention – no manpower for this.

So as I transition back to work, I had various emotions which made me realize the various emotions and struggles around us. I therefore, just wanted to encourage us this morning to run into our father’s arms because He’s got our back.

IN YOUR FATHER’S ARM:

Am letting go and running with arms stretched out to my father’s arms.
You’ve tried to take control of everything in your life, even those beyond your ‘ glory /grace grade’ yet nothing has fallen into place. Know that there’s nothing that can compare to the peace of just being and being held in your father’s arms.

You’ve been mistreated by the very people you trusted , teach your heart to trust again and run into your father’s safe arms, where there’s no condemnation but grace.

You’ve been crushed by the world, gone through the world back and forth looking for the one you can trust, but found no one. Come home and rest in your father’s arms where you can share all your worries without shame.

You do not know how to approach or communicate in intimacy with your father anymore because of how you left things, know that you can come back into the heart of worship and inhabit in His presence. All He’s looking for is a broken and contrite heart. You have the permission to sit at His feet as He whispers to you the secrets of His Kingdom- telling you of how you belong. It doesn’t matter how you left things. What matters is, you are HERE NOW.

You have searched the ends of the world for approval from man but it was never satisfying. But He’s saying ” COME JUST THE WAY YOU ARE”. He loves you the same. You are thirsty for attention but He says thirst after Him and you’ll know thirst no more because He’s the fountain that never runs dry.

You have compared yourself with others and what they have and felt that your kids, spouse, job and all other “stuff” we accumulate doesn’t measure up to the standards of this world. Hence you marked yourself as NOT ENOUGH. Instead, He says ” YOU ARE ENOUGH”. If it was just you alone in this world, He would still die for you.

You have hidden your identity in “stuff” or people because of the approval they offer. He says “come to me, I have created you in my own image, making you a pure MASTERPIECE.

You run around worrying about the things you can’t change and about tomorrow. He says, ” I got this, just trust me”. Assuring you that He’ll never leave you.

You walk around with shoulders low because you carry burdens too heavy for you, you keep fighting, never stopping. He says ” child, don’t fight battles that have already been won. Just be and surrender into your father’s arms. I am waiting for you to relieve you of the heavy lifting. Take my yoke, it’s easier and cast your burden unto me”.

You yearn to belong and be seen, hence surrounded by thousands of ‘friends’ yet so alone and lonely. He says ” come find your clan in me”.

You thought you had arrived but just realized, you have been hurt, broken hearted and still lost. Come to your father’s arms where you will feel loved and teach your heart that it can surely love again.

You’ve been hopeless, not sure about tomorrow but He says “… Because He lives, you can surely face tomorrow..” and that your tomorrow is secure in Him.

You are starting out and trying to figure Him again. He says you only need a mustard seed of a faith to get His heart excited. He’s ready to move that mountain, giant and cloud for you. He says you will never see them again as He strives to give you freedom indeed and make you a victor.

You struggle with sleepless nights, worrying, full of anxiety, loneliness, shame , un-won battles, prescription from prescription but no solution. He urges you to reach out for His arms, as there you will find His peace which surpasses all human understanding.

You feel unappreciated, unrecognised and unworthy, but He says, that you are His child , He rejoices in you and enjoys your presence , you just need to invite Him and let Him be King because He came for the least like you.

You say ” but what about my past?” And He says “He loves you anyway and has wiped your sins, as far as the east is from the west”. So, come without shame and find healing for your heart.

You point to your weaknesses and shortcomings like Moses did… Insisting “… But I can’t….do this or that like other people because of this and that.,..” He says ” you can do all things through Him as He gives you strength, and you are strong even when you feel weak”.

You feel left out and uninvited, He says He is throwing you a banquet for your own and inviting you to the party where He’s King. (M.Lunders).

So, as you go forth and take position in this world in whatever capacity He has placed you, please be reminded that you don’t have to do it alone. He’s there for you ready with His arms wide open.

Please run to Him, with a childlike faith with no care in the world. Knowing that you are loved and adored even in your weaknesses, so just be yourself because you are unique.

Much love.
Mama Faith Hope and Love.

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Emotions Faith over Fear Family Life & Marriage

My siblings and their birth stories : How is I-J doing?

September 10, 2019

” I do not want this baby…..!” How many more days still? ” Mom, I am so happy with her” ” I am so happy she is here, she makes me so happy” , ” so happy you are here, we love you“.

These are some of the questions and statements from IJ the last months.
Most children get excited about them getting a new sibling, someone to care for, play and also tease in love. What happens when that desire gets crashed several times due to a miscarriage, stillbirth or other fertility issues?

When we found out we were pregnant with Olivia, we shared the news with IJ almost immediately. She was the first one to know, which means almost everyone knew from then onwards she was like a radio station.

We were excited and so was she. She started making plans; sorting her old toys and selecting those fit for the baby, she thought of names and was counting days.

So, when we shared the bad news to her again that she now had an angel sister, her dreams were shuttered. She sat there watching her angel sister’s pictures with sadness but also curious to know what really happened.

IJ cries easily but I have never seen so much sadness in the eyes of a six year old like I did last August. I have written about her reaction in an earlier post. She went all ‘David’ on us – lamenting how God gave and took away.

After going through this and the occasional outbursts of sadness from her, you can imagine the dilemma we were in when we found out we were pregnant three months after Olivia’s birth. I have always announced we are expecting at 12 weeks like most people.

However, the thought of this last pregnancy took a long time to ‘grow’ on me. I usually tell my younger sister even before my husband , so we share tips, then my mom and the rest of the family and friends.

So I shared the news with my sister immediately after finding out but for weeks didn’t share with my mom, IJ nor family. It’s like I was afraid to break their hearts again.

After some discussion with my husband, I realized I have been advocating for not living in fear and here I was being anxious. In those moments, I remembered the verse that I had written on my scripture blackboard hanging in the living room –
2 Corinthians 4:18 NIV – So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

I had to fix my eyes on Jesus. Even though I had faith , I was like Peter in – Matthew 14 : 25 Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. 26 When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.
27 But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
28 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
29 “Come,” he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”

My ‘eyes’ were fixated on past birth experience gone bad, loses, broken hearts and the things I had seen. I needed to fully trust with conviction, the one who finishes what He started in His on way and the one who works behind the scenes but still reveals His work to His children.

I needed to fully put my trust in the ‘unseen’ the ‘spiritual’ which is His promises. Luke 1:45 “Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!” is powerful scripture that has been guiding my heart against doubt ever since. I needed to walk in the confidence that, I fully believe that my God will fulfill his spoken promises to me. In His own way.

As much as it saddens me, I truly believe that through Olivia’s birth, God is fulfilling his promise in some way. It’s my prayer that He continues to reveal how my broken heart was a part of His plan from the very beginning.

I finally shared the news with my mom almost halfway through the pregnancy as well as with IJ. IJ was overjoyed and said ” I told you, you were having another baby!!” This is because, the previous week, she had noticed my bump ( not that I had one , it was just the pregnancy weight I had not fully lost which she kept on saying “mom, are you having a baby”. {Side note: She has started saying this again to me 9 weeks postpartum , am like “IJ, that’s just baby’s water still in my tummy”}.

After her 1st reaction, she exclaimed, ” I do not want this baby!! That got me so good. I was still filming her reaction from the announcement then I had to stop. I asked , “why don’t you want the baby?”
IJ : ” because God will take again, just like he did with Olivia, he gave then He took again”.

She said this and walked away from me.
My heart sunk and right there I realized, all along, I wasn’t doubting God’s mercy in seeing me through this pregnancy , I was afraid of my baby’s reaction and how I was going to reassure her especially when I don’t hold the future. So, I told her the truth of how I know it. I then followed her, held her hands and reassured her from the view of a daughter of the most high who holds the future.

Image by Nelly ~ I-J meeting her sister (siblings and their birth)

Me: ” ooh IJ, offcourse you want this baby, I know you are scared but remember what we say about fear?”
IJ : “…yes, he’s a liar”.
Me: ” yes, and fear wants to take away your joy of being a big sister again, God is merciful and gracious and will always be with mummy”.
IJ: ” what is gracious”
Me : ” being valued and shown favour”
IJ : “what is favour?”
Me : ” when God shows us goodness even when we don’t deserve it, so let’s continue to pray that God will make mummy’s body strong for this baby.”
IJ: ” but we also prayed last time mummy”
Me : ” yes, IJ and God answers in His way”

That conversation ended with laughter because she then changed the subject to something totally unrelated .
She has done this so often. One minute we are driving or having dinner, then she goes. ” If Olivia is in heaven and her body is here in the world, how did she go up to heaven”?

Then you start explaining about our spirits and earthly bodies, and just when you are into it and even getting emotional since it’s still hard, she changes the subject or says ” yeah, I know”. I guess kids have a small attention span and only take what they can digest and not our PHD explanations .

So, ever since that day, IJ has been counting days. She started from about 150 days, which seemed like forever. The final weeks were exciting for her since she knew her sister was coming right before her birthday and before summer break so she could share the news with her friends.

IJ has done better at expressing her feelings more than me. You might remember my post about feelings and how I wondered what those were. I was brought up in an environment where there’s no time to feel but act , move and carry on. She has her moments where sadness kicks in and she says how she wished her sister Olivia was here.

This sadness increased also after her best friend – her grandmother passed away this past April. The feeling just hits her, doesn’t matter what we were talking about or where we were. I promised myself, that in those moments, when she asks about Olivia or cries out of the blues, I will stop whatever I am doing, and listen to her, because, I think, this has been her way of grieving and coping with the loss.

A few weeks ago, we just came home and just opened the door when she starts crying. Only to ask her and she says ” am very sad that Oma (grandma) and Olivia are not here. It took her papa to calm her down because I was not in a position to be of comfort to her as she had just opened up a well of emotions. .

In the beginning, she was angry and asked alot of questions about dying, heaven, spirit, God’s way of working and so on. Now, one year later, her anger has grown and transitioned to pride. Even though, she has her moments like the rest of us, she talks of Olivia with pride, always includes her in family drawings. She even tells her younger sister about her. ” I am big sister IJ and you have another sister called Olivia, you are the baby and we love you”.

We are so thankful of the young girl she’s growing into, so responsible, full of faith and loving.

All through my pregnancy, after she knew, she treated me with extra kindness. Asking whether my “body ” was now better. ( Because before, we had talked of and prayed for my body after Olivia’s birth).

I believe in my heart strongly that IJ had to be the big sister in our birth stories. Just like her name – faith, she’s been a reminder for us to hold on to Christ our solid rock even when we cannot see the things once spoken of or promised . We just need to believe that the dark night will pass and the morning sun will rise again.

I shared this before, the week Olivia was born, IJ was attending the VBS (Vacation Bible School) and she would come home each evening with memory verses they had learned . In the middle of her questions, anger and grief, she danced away joyfully to the songs of praise they had learned.

With tears in my eyes watching her, I thought “what a timely word of encouragement she was to our grieving hearts”. As she danced away while giggling, I paused to be grateful for the great blessing such as family in my life and most specifically the enormous comfort my then almost 6 year old daughter brought and stills brings to us.

In that same moment, my heart broke for the many women and families who are grieving like myself but lack the sweet comfort and sweet craziness of their own healthy child.

With our family dynamic now, everything revolves around the new baby and almost simultaneously, our angel Olivia. We can’t talk of this baby and not mention Olivia and that’s just how it is. Therefore, this baby will grow up knowing that she’s a rainbow baby who came after a loss. Not to replace her sibling in anyway but she was loved in her own way, way in advance.

So now IJ is stuck between these two attention babies. With everyone visiting and talking about the new baby and with everyone honouring her sister Olivia. Where is she in all of this,? Forgotten? Not in any way, she will now always be the big sister to an angel sister and a rainbow sister.

I pray that in the midst of the numerous dirty diapers and unending laundry or dishes, I will pause , hold her hand and tell her that she is loved, always has been and is our gate keeper. I also pray that I will not take for granted her enormous strength at only the age of 7, but I want be keen and notice her emotions and feelings so that, I am constantly there for her.
Love you IJ and thank you for taking care of all of us.

Thank you all for the support.
Will introduce our rainbow baby next.

Lots of love.
Mama Faith, Hope and Love.

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Emotions Faith over Fear Hope

Faith Over Fear.

June 19, 2019

The last few weeks, I have pushed myself to finalize most of the things to do regarding work and now am finally on maternity leave.

It’s getting real as now, my agenda is all about me and getting ready to meet this little princess and offcourse the usual turning my house upside down and scrubbing the walls .

I just realized, because I have been all over the place, my emotions have not had the chance to settle and now that am home, I am beginning to realise how emotional and what a milestone this time is for me.

With I-J, I had just graduated and immediately started my master degree 5days after she was born and with Olivia, I was mourning and not really on maternity leave. So, having four weeks to prepare before baby’s arrival and another 12 weeks to care for the baby is a blessing I cannot begin to grasp.

Last Tuesday, I went for my routine check up. The lead gynaecologist who did both of my cerclages and has been with me since that emergency last year, came out to call out my name from the waiting room.

Immediately she saw my face, you could see that, no matter how she tried with all the faces staring at the waiting room, she couldn’t hide her joy, I had not been scheduled with her for several weeks now because of her tight schedule.

I hurried to her, she embraced me and exclaimed, “ooh 35 weeks!!!” And I responded “yes!! We made it!”.

I love having appointments with her because I don’t have to come in and explain my story each time. She knows my story too well as well as the technical aspects of my body. Each time I talk with her, I can see how my story has impacted her as well.

Being a doctor, they ought to stand behind or be guided by facts, statistics and research. So in the middle of the storm last year, when they couldn’t rely on research telling me ” sorry, we have to go back to the national association of doctors to discuss your case as it’s unique and read more research”, I was on the other side of research, I was relying on my faith and standing on hope as the only sure promise I had from my heavenly father.

So, each time they walked in to give me bad news, I assured them that my baby’s name is Hope and my father isn’t surprised with what’s going on.

This doctor has seen me crying in fear on the operation table that night when I had arrived with bulging membranes and she held my hand tightly and said ” I am going to do my best to save your baby and keep her in”. She’s the same one who took out that same emergent cerclage after Olivia tried to burst through it.

On that day, we were both numb, she was called in, she looked right at me and shook her head almost to say ” how did we get here”. This is after I had seen her in my ward room an hour earlier and all looked good and we were hopeful that we would reach 24 weeks.

She’s the same one that was scheduled to see us at our last postpartum check and told us to wait for at least 3 months before trying again and said ” when you get pregnant, we will do a preventive cerclage at 12 weeks, then we have more room to work with”.

So at 8 weeks pregnant, I booked at appointment to see her and you could see the expression in her face. We talked about the cerclage and other restrictions since I was a high risk now. We talked about how this pregnancy was different but we will not forget the past experience.

At 12.5 weeks, she held my hand again as I cried again on the operation table, this time with the hope that my baby had a chance of not only passing 24 weeks but reaching full term. Those next 12 weeks leading up to 24 weeks were the hardest emotionally for me.

So, when she reaches out to embrace me instead of the standard doctor-patient handshake, I understand where we have come from. The last appointment I had with her was at 24 weeks which was such a huge milestone.

So, last week at that appointment, she set the date for removing the cerclage ~ next week Tuesday at 37 weeks. She said, bring your bags as this baby might just follow the cerclage and be born since the cerclage is the only thing holding your cervix right now..

So yes, we might meet this baby next week or she might be strong willed like her big sister IJ and come past due date .
To be honest, I have actually been praying that she comes at 38weeks which is still considered full-term and some have found this shocking.

I remember, a few weeks ago, a friend was in her 32nd week of pregnancy and I said ” now the count has begun for you” and she became so defensive saying..” Noooo, no, still 8weeks to go”! Then I learned that we all have different stories and journeys. For her, a full term baby is born at 40weeks.

For me, I am coming from giving my everything and wishing there was something more I could do for Olivia to reach just 24 weeks so she could be given a chance, even if it meant NICU time. So any gestation after 24 weeks is bonus for me.

We cannot judge people because of the experience they have or not gone through. It’s like me telling Kipchoge the Kenyan marathon record holder “ooh, that was wonderful, finishing at 2 hours, 2 secs”. Off course he will not be happy since his aim was to make it under 2 hours. The same for the racer Lewis Hamilton, every second counts. So it is with mamas who have never had preemies, all they know is full-term babies.

This journey keeps moulding and teaching me to be considerate of other people’s journeys and to continue sharing my story as my story might just become someone else’s survival guide.

I told my husband that am not sure whether my emotions are ready for birthing and how this time round it will be very different. I rely on faith over fear this time as my baby is called Love. What a constant reminder of what a friend wrote to me “that my heart is ready to love again” (~ “..1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear...”.
More on that next week. For now, gotta pack that bag and iron the last bit of clothes I rewashed .

Thank you all for walking this journey with me.

Lots of love from,
Mama Faith, Hope and Love.

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Emotions Faith over Fear

Mixed Feelings: Doing It Again In Complete Faith & Hope.

April 1, 2019

The last 4 weeks leading up to this week have been emotionally hard on me. One being, I just passed a huge milestone for the baby am carrying ~24 weeks.

Olivia was born last August at 23.2 weeks and didn’t make it. All what the doctors kept on saying more than 100 times was ” if you can only get to 24 weeks, we will then consider the baby” or ” we just need to get you to 24 weeks”.

So many mixed emotions as in my mind, I should be nursing Olivia right now yet am carrying her sister. This is because, the unexpected feelings of grief always surprise you when you least expect them.

I am beyond grateful for this baby but to be honest, it’s just now that I am beginning to realise that I am actually pregnant and hopefully I can start enjoying it. It’s not like I have been living in fear, but am still a high risk mother and alot has happened since that +ve test. I will share more later.

Losing Olivia has made become more aware of the reality of motherhood grief. This has made me, take this pregnancy in more faith and not just going blindly that everything will be okay. I don’t walk on cloud nine, that it’s all roses but take this new journey.

Second thing that has been hard on me is that, a dear friend whom we’ve been supporting each other in prayer isn’t sure if she’s going through a threatened miscarriage and has to wait for a while before a confirmation test is done. For me, this is the longest time in waiting where as a mother, you don’t know what to think.

Do you trust your maternal instincts and pray believing that the flatters in your belly is that of your baby. Or, do you brace yourself and prepare your heart for whatever comes.
My heart goes out to all women going through uncertainty and not sure what their bodies are going through. I pray for peace during this time.

The third emotional thing is that, another friend has just given birth to a healthy baby boy after 8 years of fertility treatments and now this baby was conceived naturally. She’s writing her story to encourage other women, which I will share on her behalf with you in due time.

Today is April fools right? I remember about 4 years ago, I posted a picture of me with a fake bump on April 1st. I didn’t say I was pregnant but the whole caption wasn’t clear unless you clicked on the picture. However, most of us never really notice photo captions and that’s what happened with me, friends assumed I was pregnant.

4 years today after posting that picture and with everything that I have gone through with Olivia last year, I now realize how most women feel when they see ” pregnancy announcement pranks”. When most of them have to gather the courage to say ” congratulations” in the midst of their grief only for them to hear ” no, sorry, it’s April fools prank” . I strongly believe that, lying about being pregnant should not be taken lightly or as a joke especially when 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriages.

I just wanted to share with you what has been cooking the last 24.5 weeks as you have been a source of encouragement for me. I know that in sharing my pregnancy with you, that you will receive this as your testimony as well. I am only just starting to consciously be aware and be present in this pregnancy.

All till now, I have been keeping up with hospital appointments, surgery and following several restrictions until your mind is only occupied with those activities and you forget to be and live in the moment and not live in fear of what ifs’. With all this, I also just told my mom the other day, so don’t feel left out if I you are just finding out .

With the fear and mixed emotions try to cripple back in unannounced, we are taking the leap of faith into that path again. Just like the name of this page, fear might come, but I will not let it engulf, cripple me or cloud my journey of hope and faith.

I will try and dip myself into this pregnancy and embrace this child in my womb. I want to appreciate each kick, movement and flatters and not let the constant trips to the toilet to check and confirm that the pain is just from the stomach bug and not uterus cramps.

I want to fully indulge myself in faith and hope but also not disputing the fact that, this is a miracle which can and never will be taken for granted.

I am constantly telling myself, ” this pregnancy is different” ” this is a new journey” ” this baby isn’t and will never replace my gorgeous Olivia” and as much as am grateful and joyous, am still right in the middle of that ugly grief. It never really goes away.

I am a different person since I had Olivia and I have no more assumptions of pregnancy. However, there’s always a glimmer of hope. I have decided to put fear where it belongs ~ right at the feet of my father and right at the centre of the nails he took for me and said ” it is finished”!. This doesn’t get rid of fear but it just good to know and walk in the confidence that it can never define me or this pregnancy.

Going forward, I am appreciating this life and choosing Faith (Imani), Hope (Amali) and Love (Surprise 😉 to guide me as they are all actually my children names.

Lot’s of love.
Nelly.

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Faith over Fear New Normal

Rest Peacefully My Little Princess.

February 6, 2019

Today marks exactly 6 months since I gave birth to my angel and she went to be with our Heavenly Father.

Two weeks ago, I met I-J’s former class teacher who had not known about Olivia. In our conversation about the usual daily life issues, she found out about Olivia and was saddened. She then mentioned that she also had a baby girl 16 years ago who never made it home from the hospital. She recalled it as one of the most traumatizing and sad times in her life which she has never fully recovered from~16 years down the road.

This made me realise once again that when we begin to open up, be vulnerable and invite others into our struggles or fears, it opens up more opportunities for others to continue finding strength and reassure them that they are never alone. For some, you talking about your experience makes them open up as well.

Talking to her and the many other women I have talked with, I realized that so many women have lost children, others later than others but some even before they got the chance to tell the world about their baby’s existence. The individual experience for these different women changes them differently and completely.

You never really go back to the person you were before such experiences. The only positive response is walking in faith and hope having the full confidence that even in such times, the sun will rise again.

Since I started opening up about my hope journey, I have realized that not talking about my Olivia, hurts more than when I invite people to her story. In the beginning, I know that I held back my feelings because I needed the courage and strength to put myself through the same terror filled emotions again when the grieving process started.

No Matter how thankful I am of this being my journey and my story with Olivia, I will never understand what happened but am grateful for the clarity I have now, even though I am not YET at the place where I can say “…it is well with my soul..”.

I look back and remember some moments during my day even before the complications started and then I get goosebumps because I realize how God was preparing my heart for what was go happen last August ~ {post for another day}. This puts into perspective the immense peace I had during those 2 weeks of admission and uncertainties as doctors did not know what to do.

I would tell them “ our father knows, and we have no fear just hope like our daughter’s name “. Till today, my case is being discussed at the monthly meetings of high level/risk doctors as being unique. My journey makes me continue being in awe of the miracle of giving birth and never taking that gift for granted.

There is something about grief and sadness, one moment you are totally fine and then one petty thing makes your heart ache and you feel like nothing will ever cure your sadness. Some days in the beginning were really difficult and there was tension even between my love and I but grateful for wisdom to just take some space to escape for a moment to our individual hobbies or just quiet time.

Most times, we took the time just to enjoy each other’s company as well us being entertained by our dear I-J and being the best parents we can for her. As we move forward, we have come to respect each other’s emotions but also cherish our time together. IJ also now talks freely about Olivia and sometimes we even make family jokes of all of us including Olivia. Her story is now beautiful from IJ’s perspective and no more bitterness.

We held back on setting up Olivia’s send-off service for when we were ready to go through those emotions again. I had most things planned out on how I envisioned it and also got some support from our church.

However, time passed and I realized if I waited for the perfect date for that, it would take months or maybe years. What we or more so I wanted, was just a moment to mark a physical closure. A time of thanksgiving for life, for the time we shared with Olivia and finally surrendering her to our heavenly fathers who started her story and graced us to be her parents.

So, finally this past Thursday on the 31st of January , we finally felt it was time for this closure and let our beautiful butterfly fly away and Rest Peacefully. We released her to God so our hearts can find complete healing. Though spontaneous, it was a perfect evening. We had dinner with our pastor’s family and afterwards, invited God to take over our emotions as He continues guiding us through this healing journey.

It was a beautiful time in prayer and complete surrender to God and we were grateful for God’s presence honoring our invitation. Thankful for the support we have received and still receive from our church family and friends both near and far.

Just want to encourage anyone seeking closure in any circumstance , to take time that feels right to them and know that when the time to step forward in faith comes, you will sense that feeling of peace surrounding you.

Know that our father delights in hearing your prayers and everything going on with your emotions. Invite Him no matter how ugly those feelings are and He will meet you at your point of need.

Love always.
Nelly.

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Faith over Fear Hope

Christ In Us | The Hope Of Glory.

December 25, 2018

Am not sure which translation I like best:

“God’s plan is to make known his secret to his people, this rich and glorious secret which he has for all peoples. And the secret is that Christ is in you, which means that you will share in the glory of God.Colossians 1:27 GNB
OR,
“For God wanted them to know that the riches and glory of Christ are for you Gentiles, too. And this is the secret: Christ lives in you. This gives you assurance of sharing his glory”.Colossians 1:27 NLT.

I didn’t plan to post anything today except a merry Christmas wish.

Well, its 4pm on Christmas day and I am laying on my couch with ‘clutter’ all around me. If you know me, you know I hate clutter and messy . My plan was to clear all this yesterday after our intimate Christmas Eve family dinner which is my hubby’s tradition. He prepares for us a 3 course lux meal#justChicken, not the usual beans we eat January to January .

Anyway, am laying here and this verse which has been on my mind keeps coming back to me, so I decided to find it and read it again and from it, this is the encouragement I received and I hope it blesses you~from one former Gentile to another. Ooh so thankful for God’s grace.

In Colossians 1:27, simple points out that the secret is that Christ is already in me and you. That’s not all, with him in us, He is moving in to our hearts with all the hope of all the mysteries of all glorious things that are yet to come.

How will He do that? His word says that , He will accomplish the work he started in us. Meaning that, He is perfecting us till He returns for us and at that time, the full revelation of all that seems mysterious, will be revealed to us.

We are therefore still a work of art in His hands. Even though, we are His masterpiece, the work continues. The artist always continues perfecting their art until they are ready to showcase it~that’s how Christ is working on us.

Therefore, “Christ in you, the hope of glory” is a call of expectation. It’s a call, calling us to rise up from the comfort zones and urging us to look forward to the promise we have been assured of being perfect.

That hope of glory is what will fulfill all God’s promise of restoring us to Him. As Romans 8:19-24 puts it.
….”For all creation is waiting eagerly for that future day when God will reveal who his children really are. Against its will, all creation was subjected to God’s curse.

But with eager hope, the creation looks forward to the day when it will join God’s children in glorious freedom from death and decay. For we know that all creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time.

And we believers also groan, even though we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory, for we long for our bodies to be released from sin and suffering. We, too, wait with eager hope for the day when God will give us our full rights as his adopted children, including the new bodies he has promised us. We were given this hope when we were saved. (If we already have something, we don’t need to hope for it…”

1Peter 5:10 “In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation.”

Do you see how much we have received, with Christ in our hearts?

He is the one that was promised, the one we have waited for , for so long and the same one who is here now in our hearts giving us , through His Holly Spirit a glimpse of the glorious glory that is about to come. {..Rom 8:23…”.And we believers also groan, even though we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory”,….}

Therefore, I want to continue walking in this confidence, and I hope you do too.

Let’s walk in the knowing that Christ is perfecting us and when the time comes and having been conformed to His image, we will get to gaze the real glimpse of His face.

What a glorious day that would be! Hallelujah!!

Rejoice, the hope of glory is here and we nolonger have to wait for Him. The same Spirit that raised Him from the dead, lives in you!

Receive Him. Freely He comes knocking on your heart~please, let’s let Him in as He longs to go about this life with us. We don’t have to do it alone.

So, no matter how you are celebrating today, in low spirits , lonely or surrounded by family, let’s remember the big picture is that we have an assurance of the big inheritance and we are nolonger waiting for the one that was promised, He’s here now, let Him come in and give you that hope of glory that is full of life, riches beyond what our physical eyes can fathom.

Merry Christmas to you all.

#IFinallyFoundTheEnergyToShowerAndAtleastChangeFromPjs. #ThisIsAHappyPostBtw.

Lots of love.

Nelly.

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Faith over Fear New Normal

Praising in the Storm.

September 21, 2018

“ 12 losses just under 10 years, 3 funerals, 26 weeks and still counting of bedrest, more prayers, tears and challenges than I can count and never giving up faith and hope has led to my very first viability day. I used to dream about what it would be like. Although this is not the finish line, I want to celebrate the rainbow colored light at the end of the dark tunnel ” I read this message from a friend Melissa and for a moment, I forgot about my own angel Olivia.

After I was discharged from the hospital, another message followed. A friend called to break the news that they were finally expecting. She exclaimed “Nelly, remember you prayed with me the last time, not sure you remember your words in that prayer, but I still do and God has indeed answered just like you prayed”

I could feel her deep joy from the phone and it was contagious. I sobbed in joy and immediately prayed “Thank you God for this blessing, please keep this baby ‘baking’ in the womb, keep them healthy, and bring them home safe’’. This is after almost 10 years of them trying to conceive, thousands of money spent on IVF which failed, and years of physical and emotional stress.

She had found out the day I was rushed to the hospital in a critical state and had since been praying for us and waiting in the hope to share her good news once I was discharged hopefully with Olivia. But now, she was mourning with me and battling how to share this good news with me until she couldn’t keep it anymore and I am so thankful she shared the good news as this was a testimony even for me. It reminded me that God was still in the business of restoration and faithfulness. Wow!

After being diagnosed with IC and placenta previa, I immediately turned to the internet for more information so I can be my own great advocate. During that quest and pursuit, I found my tribe~ these are more than 25 thousand women who have each gone through or currently going through pregnancy-related complications related to IC and many others.

In these groups, women, seek support, ask for prayers, are encouraged and motivated to stay strong as their bodies fight to keep their babies cooking’ until viability dates.

Each day, I read messages of women celebrating their rainbows birth after years of infertility and thousands of money spent on IVF, we see pictures of babies as young as 22 weeks in the NICU fighting for their lives and pray for them, women asking for prayers as they just found out they are pregnant and instead of celebrating, anxiety kicks in and they are on medication to curb depression , PTSD and other mental issues.

Couples who are on the verge of losing everything they have after spending more than 10,000EUR on a single embryo adoption which failed and now selling everything to try for the next IVF with no guarantee that it will work. How do all these women stay strong?

The day our princess Olivia Amali went to be our heavenly father, I logged on to get some encouragement from other mamas and as well offer encouragement to those who were still in the IC fight. On this day, the first message I read was the above quoted post from Melissa whom I have recently been in contact with and have learned so much from.

I saw her post and my heart bled for her and I felt sick in my stomach. As much there was so much brokenness in her post, there was still hope and that’s what I wanted to hold on to especially when Hope was the main message carrying us through our own dark time.

Melissa’s post and my girlfriend’s call made me think hard of how women or couples like them and their husbands cope with years of infertility, losses, financial burden etc.

I have received so many messages in my inbox of various testimonies like theirs and some still in waiting but are still trusting God. They will share their stories of how they stayed ‘floating’ in the stormy seasons in due time. Let us continue encouraging each other.

Points to take:

* When the enemy expects you to stay in a perpetual state of fear and worry, turn it to a continuous state of faith.
* Trust the Lord’s guidance ~ Proverbs 3;5-7
* Do not glorify the ashes, let His praise be on your lips.
* Make small victories and rejoice in these daily goals.
* Stay grounded in Christ and stay plugged in a community.
* Try not to think ahead of the ‘what ifs’ thoughts as those may never happen and you will be left with grief that you may never experience them. This is different feeling from envisioning something in hope.
* Have a heart of gratitude and write down some things you are grateful for.
* You or your body might not function as someone else’s and every baby or loss you encountered were all part of who you are today.
* As much as it hurts, your broken heart was and is still a part of His plan.
* Embrace that this is your journey and allow yourself to cherish each small victory an not take the miracle of giving birth for granted.
* It is not your fault that your body is failing you.
* Allow yourself to rely on others for support and try to let control ~ “Just Be Held”.
* Try to focus on what you have and not compare your milestones with others.
* Put this waiting time to use and as time that you will never get back.

We are all in one waiting season in our lives. I would like to encourage us to stay rooted in God and let him show us the purpose of ‘You’ or ‘Me’ being in this season of waiting. We do not want to realize later like Jacob ‘’Surely the Lord was in this place’’. and we just missed him because we were occupied with the dry bones and ashes.

We want to feel Him in this dry season and be aware and also amazed of the glorious promises he is fulfilling behind the scenes. Let us therefore take our eyes off ourselves and our ashes and put them on Christ and His unseen promises.

The truth of the matter is , It is a new day with new mercies and God is asking you “ CAN YOU SEE IT”? But the question is, how will we see what He is doing if we are only ‘praying and asking to be rushed out of the painful seasons? Instead, let us ask of more of Him to be revealed even in our trying seasons.

Isaiah 43 :19.

For I am about to do something new.
See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?
I will make a pathway through the wilderness.
I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.

‘’God is getting ready to shift you into a new place. You will have to let go of the old ways of doing things. It is a new day. God has troubled the waters so that you can be thrust into your new season in Him. He has hardened some people’s hearts and made their eyes so they can not see or understand you. He is showing you who you are in Him and who He is in you.

He is closing the mouths of those you crave approval from so you can find your confidence in His Word alone. He is pruning you and you will produce more fruit for His glory. You will reach more people than you thought possible and touch the lives of many. It is time you rise up from your place and accept God’s invitation and His calling to go higher and to go deeper.

You may be all in your feelings because of your situation, my sister, but you’re about to be all in His divine purpose and fulfilling His awesome plan for your life.
He will be glorified in the earth and He will be glorified in your life.’’ DoK.

Love always.
Nelly.

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