I am getting ready to go to work and I realize that today would have been the beginning of my maternity leave. In the Netherlands, you can to start your leave at 36 weeks~this gives you time to ‘nest ‘ and get ready for the baby.
So how is this day looking like to me? Well, this week has been full of me getting random flash backs of Olivia’s face, my bump and feelings of “what if”. I was really looking forward to this maternity leave as it was going to be different. With IJ, I was at University so no leave just books. After giving birth to IJ, I was in class sitting for an exam 5days later and still walking like a pinguin.
Yesterday at work, we were planning some meetings for the upcoming weeks and in my mind, I was talking myself “… I would not have been here, I would have been on my maternity leave, then I wouldn’t have to be assigned those duties”. Anyway, I am here now and I have to do my work as to the Lord with full attention.
Now that I somehow feel ‘sorry’ for myself that instead of being home and finishing up Olivia’s room , re-washing and ironing her clothes, like I did for IJ, I ‘have’ to be at work. So how do I deal with those sad emotions of ‘defeat’? I have to turn them to Christ.
This is easier said than done because as humans, we like to take control of our emotions but this would mean, us dwelling in the sadness as if the darkness has won over the light. It hasn’t won!! Even though it seems to be winning , darkness shall never consume the light!!.
I am going to work, with the confidence that Paul had when he started this verse with BUT. I am also confessing today that…..
“But my God shall supply all (MY) your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19.
I am going with the confidence in my God. Normally, we tell others that we will pray for them and that OUR God will come through for them but sometimes it requires a new set of confidence to tell that to your self (MY GOD). The same victory your God did for those you believed Him for, He will do for you, just as He was mighty in the lives of others, so He is with you.
Declare out loud that he is your healer, provider, comforter, or any victory you are expecting to experience. God longs to be given all the control. Lets us boast of His power. As humans, we boast of so many things but God says in His word (Jeremiah 9:24)that if anything, let’s us boast of the fact that we know and understand Him.
Uncertainty:
Right now, I am at a place where I have seen what God can do and trusting Him to do what I am confident He can do. I am uncertain of how my emotions will be this afternoon or tomorrow or next month when Olivia’s due date comes. However, what am certain of is my faith in the one who holds the universe just like Abraham did.
“It was by faith that Abraham obeyed when God called him to leave home and go to another land that God would give him as his inheritance. He went without knowing where he was going” Hebrews 11:8”, NLT.
During this uncertain times, I have to honestly let God know of my emotions and fears just like David did “This is new and unfamiliar for me God!” I choose to trust God more now, having the confidence that he got my back.
My unfamiliar ground, is very familiar to God. Nothing gets him by surprise as He’s all knowing and has already figured out a way out of it. Remember, He is the ‘God who moves the mountains’ and makes a way where there’s no way. Trust Him that as you move into the unknown and unfamiliar ground, He’s with you all the way.
By His grace, He will bring you to a time where all will be familiar to you.
Love always.
Nelly.