“ 12 losses just under 10 years, 3 funerals, 26 weeks and still counting of bedrest, more prayers, tears and challenges than I can count and never giving up faith and hope has led to my very first viability day. I used to dream about what it would be like. Although this is not the finish line, I want to celebrate the rainbow colored light at the end of the dark tunnel ” I read this message from a friend Melissa and for a moment, I forgot about my own angel Olivia.
After I was discharged from the hospital, another message followed. A friend called to break the news that they were finally expecting. She exclaimed “Nelly, remember you prayed with me the last time, not sure you remember your words in that prayer, but I still do and God has indeed answered just like you prayed”
I could feel her deep joy from the phone and it was contagious. I sobbed in joy and immediately prayed “Thank you God for this blessing, please keep this baby ‘baking’ in the womb, keep them healthy, and bring them home safe’’. This is after almost 10 years of them trying to conceive, thousands of money spent on IVF which failed, and years of physical and emotional stress.
She had found out the day I was rushed to the hospital in a critical state and had since been praying for us and waiting in the hope to share her good news once I was discharged hopefully with Olivia. But now, she was mourning with me and battling how to share this good news with me until she couldn’t keep it anymore and I am so thankful she shared the good news as this was a testimony even for me. It reminded me that God was still in the business of restoration and faithfulness. Wow!
After being diagnosed with IC and placenta previa, I immediately turned to the internet for more information so I can be my own great advocate. During that quest and pursuit, I found my tribe~ these are more than 25 thousand women who have each gone through or currently going through pregnancy-related complications related to IC and many others.
In these groups, women, seek support, ask for prayers, are encouraged and motivated to stay strong as their bodies fight to keep their babies cooking’ until viability dates.
Each day, I read messages of women celebrating their rainbows birth after years of infertility and thousands of money spent on IVF, we see pictures of babies as young as 22 weeks in the NICU fighting for their lives and pray for them, women asking for prayers as they just found out they are pregnant and instead of celebrating, anxiety kicks in and they are on medication to curb depression , PTSD and other mental issues.
Couples who are on the verge of losing everything they have after spending more than 10,000EUR on a single embryo adoption which failed and now selling everything to try for the next IVF with no guarantee that it will work. How do all these women stay strong?
The day our princess Olivia Amali went to be our heavenly father, I logged on to get some encouragement from other mamas and as well offer encouragement to those who were still in the IC fight. On this day, the first message I read was the above quoted post from Melissa whom I have recently been in contact with and have learned so much from.
I saw her post and my heart bled for her and I felt sick in my stomach. As much there was so much brokenness in her post, there was still hope and that’s what I wanted to hold on to especially when Hope was the main message carrying us through our own dark time.
Melissa’s post and my girlfriend’s call made me think hard of how women or couples like them and their husbands cope with years of infertility, losses, financial burden etc.
I have received so many messages in my inbox of various testimonies like theirs and some still in waiting but are still trusting God. They will share their stories of how they stayed ‘floating’ in the stormy seasons in due time. Let us continue encouraging each other.
Points to take:
* When the enemy expects you to stay in a perpetual state of fear and worry, turn it to a continuous state of faith.
* Trust the Lord’s guidance ~ Proverbs 3;5-7
* Do not glorify the ashes, let His praise be on your lips.
* Make small victories and rejoice in these daily goals.
* Stay grounded in Christ and stay plugged in a community.
* Try not to think ahead of the ‘what ifs’ thoughts as those may never happen and you will be left with grief that you may never experience them. This is different feeling from envisioning something in hope.
* Have a heart of gratitude and write down some things you are grateful for.
* You or your body might not function as someone else’s and every baby or loss you encountered were all part of who you are today.
* As much as it hurts, your broken heart was and is still a part of His plan.
* Embrace that this is your journey and allow yourself to cherish each small victory an not take the miracle of giving birth for granted.
* It is not your fault that your body is failing you.
* Allow yourself to rely on others for support and try to let control ~ “Just Be Held”.
* Try to focus on what you have and not compare your milestones with others.
* Put this waiting time to use and as time that you will never get back.
We are all in one waiting season in our lives. I would like to encourage us to stay rooted in God and let him show us the purpose of ‘You’ or ‘Me’ being in this season of waiting. We do not want to realize later like Jacob ‘’Surely the Lord was in this place’’. and we just missed him because we were occupied with the dry bones and ashes.
We want to feel Him in this dry season and be aware and also amazed of the glorious promises he is fulfilling behind the scenes. Let us therefore take our eyes off ourselves and our ashes and put them on Christ and His unseen promises.
The truth of the matter is , It is a new day with new mercies and God is asking you “ CAN YOU SEE IT”? But the question is, how will we see what He is doing if we are only ‘praying and asking to be rushed out of the painful seasons? Instead, let us ask of more of Him to be revealed even in our trying seasons.
Isaiah 43 :19.
For I am about to do something new.
See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?
I will make a pathway through the wilderness.
I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.
‘’God is getting ready to shift you into a new place. You will have to let go of the old ways of doing things. It is a new day. God has troubled the waters so that you can be thrust into your new season in Him. He has hardened some people’s hearts and made their eyes so they can not see or understand you. He is showing you who you are in Him and who He is in you.
He is closing the mouths of those you crave approval from so you can find your confidence in His Word alone. He is pruning you and you will produce more fruit for His glory. You will reach more people than you thought possible and touch the lives of many. It is time you rise up from your place and accept God’s invitation and His calling to go higher and to go deeper.
You may be all in your feelings because of your situation, my sister, but you’re about to be all in His divine purpose and fulfilling His awesome plan for your life.
He will be glorified in the earth and He will be glorified in your life.’’ DoK.
Love always.
Nelly.