Living as a refugee was not easy. I was 16 years old when I reached the Netherlands and I was all by myself.
It was a strange country, strange people, strange habits like holding hands and kissing in the street. I remember it was in the summertime and I was waiting for the sun to set. Time was going and I was surprised to see that it was still light in the early evening. As time went on, the light remained and the sun did not set.
I started to feel scared a bit even to the point where I started thinking that on that day the world would end. Just my luck, my first day in Europe and the world ends. This was just an anecdote to describe how ill-prepared I was. I remember when I registered myself as a refugee, the government did not take much of an interest in my reason for coming. They were quick to put me in a refugee camp since I was just a minor without supervision. I was only there briefly and later I have transferred to an organization specifically dedicated to people in my situation.
I was put in a house with six other girls from different nationalities, who spoke different languages and from different social backgrounds. During this time, I integrated in the system and was going to school, had friends, classmates, and was even offered some pocket money. This did not fill the hole of me feeling alone, I still was alone. I still had my story and my background and my problems but in a way my life had started over in a complete new way. I sued this chance and begun to do everything in my power to become a nurse.
This determination and will power led me to rent my own room in a city in the east of the Netherlands. Even though I had managed to do this, it did not stop me from visiting my good friends and spending a lot of time with the family I had known in the refugee camp. I still belonged with them and saw how people and families were fighting in the system hoping to be granted asylum status.
When I turned 18 I moved in with my boyfriend and around that time my first letters started coming
from the IND (Immigration and Naturalisation Service) telling me that my asylum procedure had been rejected and I had to prepare to leave the country.
I had learned that just before my time, there had been a socialist regime on migration that got rid of many procedures and replaced them with a very limited number of grounds to to validate asylum. However, they had granted the IND an enormous amount of freedom to ensure a humane asylum implementation. When the public opinion changed and the new politician got in charge, she could limit migration to a minimum by just instructing the IND to no longer to use their freedom for a humane “way of working”.
The lawyer who was appointed to my case did not see any possibilities for fighting this ruling. Therefore, I decided to take on the counsel of a private lawyer. From that moment onward my life was dominated by bills for initiating procedures, bills for the lawyer and so on and so forth, to the point that I was no longer allowed to go to school. In addition, with every procedure I started, new hope came and with every rejection hope faded and fear and anxiety prevailed.
This is when people start advising you all sorts of advice. Some said I should just marry someone and this would solve all my problems. Even though I knew I wanted to get married later on at God’s time, I did not want to marry for these ‘problem solving’ reasons. Especially with all the stereotypes going on , I didn’t want to be seen as gold digger either. In my view, getting married was not going to solve this problem anyway. My case needed a miracle, so I kept searching for different justifiable procedures to remain “in due process” which would allow me to stay in the country.
I was in and out of procedure all the time and all this time there were people praying for me in various places in the world and despite the fear crippling in, I don’t remember any day where I really believed that I was going to be deported.
My miracle later came, after years of proceedings, financial stress, uncertainty and not being allowed to fully participate
in the society, my boyfriend was offered a job in the city of Maastricht. The timing felt right and since we knew and were sure that we wanted to grow old together, it felt right to use the “european route”, by asking for permission to get married which we finally got. We we moved to Maastricht, got married and later moved to Belgium as a married couple. Under the European law, the
European citizen is allowed to move in Europe and within Europe and take his family along regardless their legal status
in that country. This meant that finally, I could start a fresh under a new clean status. I am thankful because Belgium provided me with a new home, a place to flourish, to go back to school ,work and be a contributing factor to the society just like how I wanted it from the beginning.
To be honest, there were so many uncertainties and hopelessness along the way that there is no way I personally would ever be able to arrange this journey. There were so many items that were beyond my control, there were so many elements of undeserved favor that for me I have to testify that God’s doing and hand was in it all along. God had heard my prayers and the prayers of the people surrounding me.
I know we are humans and we tend to forget but even in the moments when I am having a hard day, I try to remember my journey and where I come from. Such moments still fill me up with gratitude towards God and my country Belgium, with joy and hope.
I encourage you that God is in the midst of your situation, yes even your hopelessness.
Kadi
