Romans 8:15 states “For we did not receive the spirit of bondage to fear but we received the spirit of Adoption into Sons that enable us cry Abba Father”. This scripture comes to mind now reminding me of where I have come from since I was a young girl.
You see for a long time I lived as a physical orphan and a spiritual orphan just because I thought it was all gone! Nothing else to live for nor any source of inspiration, I was wrong! One of the greatest challenges I had to face in this journey of life was rejection (among my peers, some ‘friends’ and both in and out of the church)! Thank God I came out stronger having learnt that rejection is part and parcel of life but one’s attitude determines how they come out! Life taught me that.
Jeremiah 29:11 has always reminded me that until God says it’s over it’s not yet over. Our God is a God who determines the beginning of an era from it’s ending! Just like the story of my life.
When I got pregnant with my daughter at 19/20 I hated myself so much and wanted to just end my life and so I started drinking heavily. As if that was not enough, I added to it smoking and within no time I became so addicted to smoking I couldn’t stop, I literally had to turn to God with all sincerely and plead my case because now I was breastfeeding and my baby’s life was at risk.
Good people, I just want to tell you that God listens to your prayers, whether big or small, He heard me and took away the urge to smoke together with the urge to drink! What a wonderful God we serve!Now I was free but still so pressed by the spirit of rejection, it was still a pert of me. I became a loner and an introverted young lady and what I didn’t know all this while, was that the Lord was setting up the stage for me.
10 years ago, I re-dedicated my life to Jesus and began to serve on the alter as a Praise and Worship leader and also in the children’s department. My spiritual life was going good but on the other hand, instead of rejection leaving me, it called in its cousin ‘low self esteem’ to move in, this was the hardest battle to fight without a strong support system.
I remember one day I was ministering somewhere and one of the associate pastors came to me and asked ” Mauryn, who really are you? I feel like I don’t know you, you are a totally different person when holding the mic and another when off stage”!. That was a wake up call for me, I was living two lives; I felt so comfortable as a loner and felt rejected in private but while leading worship, I had a courageous, bold, happy and strong personality coming out!
Today even though I am still a work in progress, I can still testimony that at least I’m not where I used to be. I know it is a process and the enemy would sometimes remind me of the negative and humiliating words spoken against me, as well as acts done just to discourage me. Thank God for His grace because He has given me the strength and courage to reiterate and say that “I am who God says I am and what the Bible calls me”.
Life in itself has so many ups and downs but we who are set apart, called by His name have that seal of ownership, God remains to be God and He still sits on the throne! As a single mom in ministry, the challenges will be numerous, we keep believing, keep smiling and at all times put on the whole armour of God. There is so much I want to share but I hope we can be encouraged with this story and know that God can use anyone!
Shalom.
Mauryn.
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