{"id":419,"date":"2020-05-20T00:13:21","date_gmt":"2020-05-19T22:13:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/?p=419"},"modified":"2021-03-03T18:14:31","modified_gmt":"2021-03-03T17:14:31","slug":"episode-3-how-our-behaviour-experiences-impacts-our-parenting","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/?p=419","title":{"rendered":"Episode 3 : behavior and experiences influence on parenting."},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><strong>Unmasking Gods&#8217; grace.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/hashtag\/recap?__eep__=6&amp;source=feed_text&amp;epa=HASHTAG&amp;__xts__%5B0%5D=68.ARDd4KYihRjvXzGTDrVeb5GJD1sryX-u11XjmpkSBjrm38FFTfu5WXYZk3ztpOLChRIEq-qNoCFFHfPm0ipOdUlW_EFL8v7FdLt32lG2iAmEm9GmrFPGyY5mwGSz0WjlPywY7qbvL4pVjbUprnb9zW30t5SsEEIvKwJSZXxTKxxbL6lA6e-R4AlOYhKuzWO1K4oN2CnazU6kUIE6NpLmzSTKUvu37g09UKPR6sQkaF6wDS7l905jYv_FnKioYWwX-UhgxG6CG2GrGEOeOVa4B3ia9UYIMSMfgtgT-2PO5Vs4mzuCLvC0ZMnv5X7MllM4cRZBhlFuS9ZGXpvT3byxV0U&amp;__tn__=%2ANK-R\">#Recap<\/a>&nbsp;We have seen that we need to let go of perfectionism and instead we can strive for excellence and high standards.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Remember that you are enough, you&#8217;ve got what it takes and you are God&#8217;s workmanship created for all good works.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Christ came to make is perfect by taking our sins and imperfections. We went ahead and dug deeper to see the root of perfectionism. Mine came from the physical and emotional torture (abuse) from high school and being brought up in an environment where punishments were the order of the day. It made one grow up to assume that violence =good results. We should not spare the rod, but lets find our ways to discipline our children without humiliating them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"HOW OUR ABUSIVE EXPERIENCES TRIGGER OUR DISCIPLINARY METHODS.\" width=\"1080\" height=\"608\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/dlJFkYdccOM?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe>\n<\/div><figcaption>behavior and experiences influence on parenting<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>Let&#8217;s remember that our personalities and our up bringing definitely influences how we relate to our children and also triggerstheir behaviour. The only way of punishment I knew was corporal punishment and spanking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It was humiliating and brought shame, fear of criticism and disappointing others or failing. Knowing this, why do I automatically want to do it to my children , to get their attention? I have done it twice and after the last one, I don&#8217;t think I will do it again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>God&#8217;s grace is sufficient for me. All I have to do is 1st forgive myself and all those who punished me and didn&#8217;t relate the consequences or punishment with the misbehaviour, which makes one shut down and feel like its about them failing and not having made a bad decision.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Going forward, I pray we all find disciplinary actions that are full of empathy. Forgive yourself if you chose the &#8216;wrong &#8216; way. We all know when we did that. That high yelling we did..etc.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Please share your views on what has worked for your family. My husband was raised in a culture where everything is brought to the table and openly discussed. I on the other hand, never had dialogue with an adult and violence was used to get our attention but also, assumed to equate good behaviour.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Let&#8217;s help each other.<br>God bless<br>Nelly.<br><a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/hashtag\/shame?__eep__=6&amp;source=feed_text&amp;epa=HASHTAG&amp;__xts__%5B0%5D=68.ARDd4KYihRjvXzGTDrVeb5GJD1sryX-u11XjmpkSBjrm38FFTfu5WXYZk3ztpOLChRIEq-qNoCFFHfPm0ipOdUlW_EFL8v7FdLt32lG2iAmEm9GmrFPGyY5mwGSz0WjlPywY7qbvL4pVjbUprnb9zW30t5SsEEIvKwJSZXxTKxxbL6lA6e-R4AlOYhKuzWO1K4oN2CnazU6kUIE6NpLmzSTKUvu37g09UKPR6sQkaF6wDS7l905jYv_FnKioYWwX-UhgxG6CG2GrGEOeOVa4B3ia9UYIMSMfgtgT-2PO5Vs4mzuCLvC0ZMnv5X7MllM4cRZBhlFuS9ZGXpvT3byxV0U&amp;__tn__=%2ANK-R\">#Shame<\/a>&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/hashtag\/doesspankinghelp?__eep__=6&amp;source=feed_text&amp;epa=HASHTAG&amp;__xts__%5B0%5D=68.ARDd4KYihRjvXzGTDrVeb5GJD1sryX-u11XjmpkSBjrm38FFTfu5WXYZk3ztpOLChRIEq-qNoCFFHfPm0ipOdUlW_EFL8v7FdLt32lG2iAmEm9GmrFPGyY5mwGSz0WjlPywY7qbvL4pVjbUprnb9zW30t5SsEEIvKwJSZXxTKxxbL6lA6e-R4AlOYhKuzWO1K4oN2CnazU6kUIE6NpLmzSTKUvu37g09UKPR6sQkaF6wDS7l905jYv_FnKioYWwX-UhgxG6CG2GrGEOeOVa4B3ia9UYIMSMfgtgT-2PO5Vs4mzuCLvC0ZMnv5X7MllM4cRZBhlFuS9ZGXpvT3byxV0U&amp;__tn__=%2ANK-R\">#doesspankinghelp<\/a>&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/hashtag\/theadultorthechild?__eep__=6&amp;source=feed_text&amp;epa=HASHTAG&amp;__xts__%5B0%5D=68.ARDd4KYihRjvXzGTDrVeb5GJD1sryX-u11XjmpkSBjrm38FFTfu5WXYZk3ztpOLChRIEq-qNoCFFHfPm0ipOdUlW_EFL8v7FdLt32lG2iAmEm9GmrFPGyY5mwGSz0WjlPywY7qbvL4pVjbUprnb9zW30t5SsEEIvKwJSZXxTKxxbL6lA6e-R4AlOYhKuzWO1K4oN2CnazU6kUIE6NpLmzSTKUvu37g09UKPR6sQkaF6wDS7l905jYv_FnKioYWwX-UhgxG6CG2GrGEOeOVa4B3ia9UYIMSMfgtgT-2PO5Vs4mzuCLvC0ZMnv5X7MllM4cRZBhlFuS9ZGXpvT3byxV0U&amp;__tn__=%2ANK-R\">#TheAdultOrTheChild<\/a>&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/hashtag\/isspankingabuse?__eep__=6&amp;source=feed_text&amp;epa=HASHTAG&amp;__xts__%5B0%5D=68.ARDd4KYihRjvXzGTDrVeb5GJD1sryX-u11XjmpkSBjrm38FFTfu5WXYZk3ztpOLChRIEq-qNoCFFHfPm0ipOdUlW_EFL8v7FdLt32lG2iAmEm9GmrFPGyY5mwGSz0WjlPywY7qbvL4pVjbUprnb9zW30t5SsEEIvKwJSZXxTKxxbL6lA6e-R4AlOYhKuzWO1K4oN2CnazU6kUIE6NpLmzSTKUvu37g09UKPR6sQkaF6wDS7l905jYv_FnKioYWwX-UhgxG6CG2GrGEOeOVa4B3ia9UYIMSMfgtgT-2PO5Vs4mzuCLvC0ZMnv5X7MllM4cRZBhlFuS9ZGXpvT3byxV0U&amp;__tn__=%2ANK-R\">#IsSpankingAbuse<\/a>&nbsp;Or&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/hashtag\/violence?__eep__=6&amp;source=feed_text&amp;epa=HASHTAG&amp;__xts__%5B0%5D=68.ARDd4KYihRjvXzGTDrVeb5GJD1sryX-u11XjmpkSBjrm38FFTfu5WXYZk3ztpOLChRIEq-qNoCFFHfPm0ipOdUlW_EFL8v7FdLt32lG2iAmEm9GmrFPGyY5mwGSz0WjlPywY7qbvL4pVjbUprnb9zW30t5SsEEIvKwJSZXxTKxxbL6lA6e-R4AlOYhKuzWO1K4oN2CnazU6kUIE6NpLmzSTKUvu37g09UKPR6sQkaF6wDS7l905jYv_FnKioYWwX-UhgxG6CG2GrGEOeOVa4B3ia9UYIMSMfgtgT-2PO5Vs4mzuCLvC0ZMnv5X7MllM4cRZBhlFuS9ZGXpvT3byxV0U&amp;__tn__=%2ANK-R\">#Violence<\/a>&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/hashtag\/whatdoyoudo?__eep__=6&amp;source=feed_text&amp;epa=HASHTAG&amp;__xts__%5B0%5D=68.ARDd4KYihRjvXzGTDrVeb5GJD1sryX-u11XjmpkSBjrm38FFTfu5WXYZk3ztpOLChRIEq-qNoCFFHfPm0ipOdUlW_EFL8v7FdLt32lG2iAmEm9GmrFPGyY5mwGSz0WjlPywY7qbvL4pVjbUprnb9zW30t5SsEEIvKwJSZXxTKxxbL6lA6e-R4AlOYhKuzWO1K4oN2CnazU6kUIE6NpLmzSTKUvu37g09UKPR6sQkaF6wDS7l905jYv_FnKioYWwX-UhgxG6CG2GrGEOeOVa4B3ia9UYIMSMfgtgT-2PO5Vs4mzuCLvC0ZMnv5X7MllM4cRZBhlFuS9ZGXpvT3byxV0U&amp;__tn__=%2ANK-R\">#WhatDoYouDo<\/a>. I still do not understand how kids are sent to their rooms as punishment, same way one might be surprised why I have spanked my child a few times.<a rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/photos.app.goo.gl\/ftiW6pKBrEXPvM5a6?fbclid=IwAR05X3ShmCAOqWV32vOKX52NyGKyKxyBS1NnTW7lOLeitkf1a8myRIPVGYY\" target=\"_blank\"><\/a><\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Unmasking Gods&#8217; grace. #Recap&nbsp;We have seen that we need to let go of perfectionism and instead we can strive for excellence and high standards. Remember that you are enough, you&#8217;ve got what it takes and you are God&#8217;s workmanship created for all good works. Christ came to make is perfect by taking our sins and imperfections. We went ahead and dug deeper to see the root of perfectionism. Mine came from the physical and emotional torture (abuse) from high school and being brought up in an environment where punishments were the order of the day. It made one grow up to assume that violence =good results. We should not spare the rod, but lets find our ways to discipline our children without humiliating them. Let&#8217;s remember that our personalities and our up bringing definitely influences how we relate to our children and also triggerstheir behaviour. The only way of punishment I knew was corporal punishment and spanking. It was humiliating and brought shame, fear of criticism and disappointing others or failing. Knowing this, why do I automatically want to do it to my children , to get their attention? I have done it twice and after the last one, I [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":432,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"spay_email":""},"categories":[9,2,8],"tags":[372,349,373,374,355,368,347,371,353,370,354,345,346,344,367,343,348,369,356,351,122,350,376,366,375],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v16.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Episode 3 : behavior and experiences influence on parenting. - No Fear, Just Hope<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"no fear just hope is a platform to share God\u2019s truth, hope and love through topics that bring life, joy, awareness, comfort and hopefully some moments of laughter to you\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/?p=419\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Episode 3 : behavior and experiences influence on parenting. - No Fear, Just Hope\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"no fear just hope is a platform to share God\u2019s truth, hope and love through topics that bring life, joy, awareness, comfort and hopefully some moments of laughter to you\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/?p=419\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"No Fear, Just Hope\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2020-05-19T22:13:21+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2021-03-03T17:14:31+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/james-orr-GsmNK0_Mywg-unsplash-scaled.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"2560\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1701\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"2 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/\",\"name\":\"No Fear, Just Hope\",\"description\":\"Journey through loss and life afterwards.\",\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/#\/schema\/person\/7d239acef2601b4cf6aa929b63bd8d6c\"},\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":\"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/?s={search_term_string}\",\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/?p=419#primaryimage\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/james-orr-GsmNK0_Mywg-unsplash-scaled.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/james-orr-GsmNK0_Mywg-unsplash-scaled.jpg\",\"width\":2560,\"height\":1701,\"caption\":\"no fear just hope\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/?p=419#webpage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/?p=419\",\"name\":\"Episode 3 : behavior and experiences influence on parenting. - No Fear, Just Hope\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/?p=419#primaryimage\"},\"datePublished\":\"2020-05-19T22:13:21+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-03-03T17:14:31+00:00\",\"description\":\"no fear just hope is a platform to share God\\u2019s truth, hope and love through topics that bring life, joy, awareness, comfort and hopefully some moments of laughter to you\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/?p=419#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/?p=419\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/?p=419#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Episode 3 : How our behaviour &#038; experiences influences our parenting.\"}]},{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/?p=419#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/?p=419#webpage\"},\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/#\/schema\/person\/7d239acef2601b4cf6aa929b63bd8d6c\"},\"headline\":\"Episode 3 : behavior and experiences influence on parenting.\",\"datePublished\":\"2020-05-19T22:13:21+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-03-03T17:14:31+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/?p=419#webpage\"},\"wordCount\":413,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/#\/schema\/person\/7d239acef2601b4cf6aa929b63bd8d6c\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/?p=419#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/james-orr-GsmNK0_Mywg-unsplash-scaled.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"beating childhood trauma\",\"child abuse\",\"childhood trauma\",\"communication\",\"consequences for bad behavior\",\"consequences for bad behaviour\",\"corporal punishment effects\",\"correcting bad behaviour\",\"discipline for children\",\"emotional abuse\",\"empathy\",\"fear of criticism\",\"fear of disappointing others\",\"fear of failing\",\"Good behaviour\",\"guilt\",\"humiliation\",\"parenting styles\",\"school consequences for bad behavior\",\"severe punishment\",\"shame\",\"spanking as abuse\",\"timeout\",\"types of consequences\",\"violence\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Emotions\",\"Motherhood\",\"Shame\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/?p=419#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":[\"Person\",\"Organization\"],\"@id\":\"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/#\/schema\/person\/7d239acef2601b4cf6aa929b63bd8d6c\",\"name\":\"Nelly\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/#personlogo\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/f6f421c4607dd9522c35dceaf1af00df?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/f6f421c4607dd9522c35dceaf1af00df?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Nelly\"},\"logo\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/#personlogo\"},\"description\":\"My name is Nelly, I am married to an amazing husband , I am mother to an incredible daughter IJ and an angel Olivia Amali. During the 20th week anatomy scan, I was found to have an \\u2018\\u2019incompetent cervix\\u2019\\u2019. This could not be explained as my 1st pregnancy was stable and the baby was even born post EDD. My aim is to raise awareness of incompetent cervix (IC), coping with an IC pregnancy and the various interventions available to avoid pre-term labour. With this page, I hope I can embark on this healing process by writing and sharing my experience and all the aspects we have already experienced with our previous pregnancy with Olivia Amali and finding strength in this journey. In this page, I will talk about this last pregnancy, life with IC, our stay at the hospital, life after being discharged and living a life of continued hope and trust in our God who knows it all. As serious and emotional this story will be, I hope the words brings life, light, joy , awareness, comfort and hopefully some moments of laughter to someone. I hope that this platform will bring encouragement to families, those still waiting for their rainbows after years of fertility treatments, miscarriages, still births, pre-mature deaths and fellow grieving mamas in general especially those who can not find the words to express themselves. I am excited about inviting you to this \\u2018HOPE\\u2019 ful yet terrifying story. Love. Nelly.\",\"sameAs\":[\"http:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\"],\"url\":\"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/?author=1\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/james-orr-GsmNK0_Mywg-unsplash-scaled.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/419"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=419"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/419\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1095,"href":"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/419\/revisions\/1095"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/432"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=419"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=419"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nofearjusthope.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=419"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}